amanda j. harris

It hurts to love someone and not be loved in return. But what is more painful is to love someone and never find the courage to let that person know how you feel. – An Vo

There is a lot going on in my life and I don’t always have time for everything. I quit my job at Tate’s because quite frankly dealing with one persons bs, the false advertisement of the position and the working my ass off and not being given what was promised in the beginning only gets to last so long.

So I moved on to other things. Or I should say I will be since basically I’m living off of Pajama Mommy money which is coming in nicely but not nicely enough that I can 100% count on it. It fills my pockets up when it needs to but it definitely can’t pay all my bills again just yet. It will eventually.. it definitely will.

I have so much Pajama Mommy work to do it isn’t even funny I just don’t have the time. I should  be able to get some done tomorrow at Nick’s because he is going to work early and his place has many less distractions then mine does

“Find a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot, who calls you back when you hang up, who will stay awake just to watch you sleep. Wait for the boy who kisses you on your forehead, who wants to show you off to the world when you’re in sweats, who holds your hand in front of his friends, who thinks you’re just as pretty without makeup on. Wait for the one who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares about you and how lucky he is to have you. Wait for the one who turns to his friends and says, ”…that’s her’ and smiles” – Unknown

Everything has been going good. I’m just drowning in a bit of debt trying to get out of it. I’ve been making payments but once I pay back one I’ll be able to focus back on the rest of it. It is just so hard right now. I mean with everything I am just covering the basics. But I’m finding out tonight how much more I have to pay off so I can get that crap over and done with.

Nick and I have been doing good which is nice. It’ll be a month in just 2 days since we’ve started dating. I haven’t fucked it up in a month so I’m doing good people doing good.

Cigarette prices went up which I am not to happy about. I am also trying to find something I can really write about on here without having to deal with crap. Any suggestions? I don’t necessarily have time for a personal blog always but I’d love to write when I can.

If I love you, what business is it of yours? ~Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Well Nick and I have established we’re in a relationship. So this is new territory for me he’s actually a nice guy and I haven’t managed to fuck it up. Alas, one day he may come to his senses hopefully I shall have a giant pan in my hand to beat him senseless that day hahaha.

I’ve not written since quite frankly I’ve been busy with Nick and working like a dog. I’ve managed to catch up on much needed work for Pajama Mommy. I’ve also got some more things I need to do. Today, I will be heading over to Donna’s house and catching up with the kids picking up the DVD from them that Nick let them borrow along with a picture Nikki drew that Nick must desperately have.

I need to catch up on my stories though. My books and my tv shows. I absolutely have been slacking and that is just no good. I’ll be watching TrueBlood tomorrow. I can’t wait it looked so good.

I’ve personally been doing really good. I had a moment of realization tonight while texting my niece Breanna and I almost had a panic attack because I felt entirely claustrophobic at the realization, but I managed to calm myself out of it. Thank goodness as I was driving at the time. Yes I was texting and driving, and no it wasn’t dangers as I was the only one on the effing road alright people. JAYSUS CHRISTMAS!

Donna and I went to a carnival this evening, they had a magician but we weren’t there in time to see him. Nick and I are suppose to go back, he doesn’t realize it yet but he will be winning me a giant stuffed cow.

“What women do to each other is beyond description. No Chinese torture comes close.” – Tori Amos

I had to go over with Jessica what I thought was appropriate conversation and what wasn’t because quite frankly I’m sick of hearing about Lucas. I mean every God forsaken conversation he is in, and there is always something just I don’t want to hear or know about.

No I am not jealous, no I don’t give a shit but I also don’t need to listen to it every day. I’d rather stab myself in the face repeatedly at this point. I mean the fact that yes she’s one of my closest friends so she tells me about her day but the shit he pulls is constantly being dumped on my lap and I have to help out or give advice and I don’t want to do it anymore. I don’t care. I’ve met someone nice and I’d like to focus on that instead of what else he can do to potentially ruin mine and everyone’s lives around him.  Since that is what he does and excels at doing.

I have my second date tomorrow so that will be fun. We have absolutely no clue what to do and last time he chose. (It totally counts as mine though because I agreed haha.) So he said I should choose this one. (See parenthesis prior. as my response. Which he rejected and I couldn’t win on that one ) So now I’m trying to figure out something to do. There isn’t anything to do by me except goto borders or the Big Duck. By him we can go to the city since its a lot closer, um ooh the casino in Yonkers. I wonder… I was told to work magic on various options a quarter of a tank a gas, $17.87, and four cigarettes. I was like I shall make fantabulousness with it all.I believe that is when the giggles commenced.

Everyone has the right to be ugly, but some people abuse the privilege. – Unknown

Have you ever noticed life is an ever revolving door of pure suck? I have, and most recently have I come to notice it more and more. I did something potentially stupid and potentially freeing by moving to Michigan and giving myself a two month hiatus on life. I was able to re-organize everything and figure out where my mind set should be versus where it actually was. This was a handy little trick. It also allowed me to fully show my ex-fiance that everything is over and I wasn’t sticking around for any of his bullshit anymore. Granted we had broken up months earlier however we were off and on for nine years so a few months of breakup could potentially be seen as just a normality in our horrendous relationship but I was done for good that time so I continued on with my life. I was also tired of having his creepy girlfriend stalking me so I jumped on the next flight I could manage and moved.

The move was one of the worst and best experiences of my life. The worst meaning I was horrendously depressed, miserable and ready to kill myself (figuratively) or someone else (literally) should a change not happen. Shit hit the fan and I came home. All sorts of crap was said and people didn’t handle it the way it should have been handled. I think I’m a better person for it and I’ll explain why.

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